State of Mind



I seem to be at a point whereby I must experience for real all of those things that I have seen so many go through and that are still living. It is like the continual downward slide into what I do not know that started two years ago.


For sure I have been seeing, understanding, knowing a lot of things about us all and how we work, but this point that I am at now is the by far the worst and from what I can tell, is exactly what all people go through.


This shit is really why people:



  1. Watch so much TV waiting to die.
  2. Eat so much mostly unhealthy appeasing their moods and feeling in control.
  3. Get overweight and diet in a vicious circle.
  4. Hold onto their problems, traumas, abuses as their 'friends' for they have them, deal with them and can control them or use them to control others.
  5. Use sex as a recreational toy and seek not the real love behind it.
  6. Make themselves believe that they really do 'Love' someone the way they want it to be, not the way it needs to be, or in fact really is.
  7. Prefer to lie, tell half truths, manipulate and avoid etc.
  8. Are so bored they start to do 'crazy' things, bad habits, obsessive ways etc. Unthinkingly.
  9. Feel so all alone, as they do not go out of their way for other people and mostly interact with others when there is something in it for them or when they want something; to wit:
  10. Give into all kinds of not nice situations because they can feel alive, they can live and feel their emotions, regardless of the situation and intensity as they really do not feel connected with themselves let alone anyone or even the 'spiritual' part of them ie God.


So yes, I am depressed just as the above would get to anyone, and yes my 'shit' is somewhat more complicated given my knowledge of gnosis and such. I am alone as I have taken a dive into bankruptcy that effectively cuts you off from going out and doing anything. Visiting becomes a chore as you may have the health and want to move around and get out, but you do not have the money needed for the bus and to bring even a loaf of bread with you.


So yes, I am bored with the mundane things that most people are seemingly lost and tied up into. They have their economic incentive to do as they want in order to get what they want the way they want. They will not look passed the blinders that they have fitted themselves with for fear of finding out the truth or themselves.


They are lost souls and they are mostly not even looking to find themselves, they really do want the credit cards and unlimited spending to go off and do as they please in order to buy their self esteem, in order to appease their inner psychological turmoil. They buy to take up time to do the act, they eat improperly to appease the appetite and feel numbed, they watch TV to get lost in the outside and not deal with their inside (even when they see themselves), they have recreational sex to feel the physical pleasures and relieve the boredom and the aggression/frustration that it brings; they occupy their time with things that we not really make them a better soul-ful person; that we help them to be all that they can be.